It happens in threes...

I don't know where I first heard it. I tend to think it's an old wives tale passed on by my grandmother (she's got lots of them.) But I've always believed that celebrity deaths happen in threes. When I hear a famous person has died, I just know that more will follow. So last week, when Ed McMahon passed, I unconsciously started the count. I was saddened by the death of Farrah Fawcett, yesterday, as another human being had passed, but I was not a big fan of hers, so I can't say that I was heartbroken. I was also not surprised, since she had been publicly battling cancer for the past few years. But that afternoon, when my husband and I turned on MSNBC and saw the Breaking News that Michael Jackson had died, I felt lightheaded. I didn't believe it at first. I thought I was reading it wrong or it was another Michael Jackson. It was just... [sigh]

It's been hard to articulate my feelings about his passing. Like most little black girls, I was IN LOVE with Michael Jackson. I had the poster where he was wearing the yellow v-neck sweater and bow-tie. I think he'd had his first nose job by then, but he looked so cute. My friends and I would have singing and dancing contests where we would sing his songs and see who could do the best moonwalk. And don't get me started on the red pleather Thriller jacket and sparkly glove. I begged my parents for that jacket; never got it.

Those are the memories that define MJ for me. And later, I remember sitting in the TV room of my dorm, watching the world premiere of "Remember The Time" with a group of friends. We all loved it, but couldn't help "ewwing" over the part when MJ and Iman kissed! It just was not believable that she would pick him over Eddie Murphy! By this time, he'd had extensive work done on his face and had lightened his skin considerably. But still, it was Michael Jackson!

And then the allegations and jokes. His crazy public feud with Sony. Taking his physical appearance even further. The trial. It became hard to even admit that you were a Michael Jackson fan. He became a joke, good for nothing except a one-liner. The crazy, dirty uncle that everyone talks about at the family reunion, but no one wants to talk to.

Every once in a while, one of his songs would pop up on my ipod and I would stop and appreciate the genius that is Michael Jackson. Some of his songs would be covered by new artists and I would remember his version. Maybe I would put it on and sing or dance to it. Let the memories flow through me. "I used to love me some Michael Jackson."

And so I admit that this news has hit me hard. And even as we mourned his passing there were others who tried to make us feel guilty for missing him. But if he meant to your childhood, what he meant to mine, then you understand. And despite all the bad things he was accused of (and probably did) in his later years, there are moments of intense grief as I realize he is really gone. Like the cool uncle who ended up crazy, but who used to slip you a dollar, or let you eat chocolate cake for dinner.

Michael Jackson (1958-2009)